Sunday, 17 May 2009

losing myself...

I had a moment of realisation last week in a changing room, when I was forced to admit {by reading the label} that I was larger than I ever thought I would be and I that had let myself go. I was just another frumpy lady that as a teenager I would serve {when I worked as a Saturday girl in a high street store} and that I had back then vowed never to be. Almost faceless, dressing for practicality and comfort - not really caring too much. 
I find it very hard as a mother to justify spending any amount of time or money on myself, I expect that is true of most mothers. I also realised that actually I am not happy about this, I want to look better, so I am damn well going to have to do something about it! So today, with Jenny, we went to be pampered, I had a pedicure, ready for getting my feet out for the summer {and yes it hasn't stopped raining since!}. It made me feel a whole lot better, a few hours to myself, to talk to Jenny, without children around our ankles and to be able to finish our sentences! 

It also meant that I can cross off number 22 from 'the list'. The pedicure was also very timely as last night I did a 'moonwalk' - which is basically an organised walk at night, wearing decorated bra's {mine pictured above} raising money for breast cancer research. The original moonwalk takes place annually in London and is 26 miles the same as the marathon, but the one I did, after persuasion from my friend Gina, was just a few miles around her village, with wine and sweetie stops! A few small steps to getting fitter and finding me again! 


  1. Oh doesn't it make all the difference? not having "Mum? Mum? MUM?" all the time! Bles 'em.
    well done on your moonwalk. What a great first step.

  2. Well done on the Moonwalk.

    I found I definately need some me time when I can get it helps you come back all refreshed and ready with a new perspective on things

  3. The moonwalk sounds wonderful!

  4. Tell me about it!! I need to get fit and lose weight. But I do find that treating yourself to some funky jewellry helps (esp from etsy) as it doesn't break the bank, makes you feel great and most always fits!!

  5. Well done with the moonwalk, hope it all went well.
    As someone lucky who's seen you in person I can confirm that you are in no way frumpy or middle aged, especially not in that bra!!
    Didn't make the car boot this morning, who knows what treasures I missed - boo hoo.
    Julia xx

  6. So happy to read this post as I have been experiencing similar frustrations and resolutions. I know that most mothers feel the loss of self at varying degrees however, it is nice to 'hear' someone say it in a frank way without being bathed in negativity.

  7. Think you have definitely struck a chord with many mothers, and yet it is so important to take time out and look after number one from time to time (I preach it but I rarely practice it). Congrats on the moonwalk - I'm doing a nighttime walk in a month's time for Hospicecare - am starting to feel a little nervous, now, although it seemed a good idea at the time!

  8. It is so good that we can remind each other to remember who we are, and who we were before kids.

    I think we also need to remind the mother's in our life they need to be in pictures. How come mother's are the most absent in pictures? Because they are beind the lens. Me included.

  9. ack! Emma this is so good. what a sense of humor you have.
    as for losing oneself, it is so seemingly common amongst mothers. socially the mother is all giving and so it can be challenging to ask of ourselves and others for things we want and need, even for time. a pedicure is a fantastic time out. my 2 hour facial was down right epiphanal. i'm a skinny gal and have never worried much about image but the feeling of being out of shape and breathless is unbearable. recently i have been reminded to take time if only for an evening walk around the block each night. i'm building up to a yoga practice again but for now i procrastinate with the ever useful excuse of having nothing to wear.
    it's always a pleasure and inspiration to visit your blog.


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